I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
