Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
