I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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