Banned from zoo.
Again?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
