Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize