They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
