She is in my trunk
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
