For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
