oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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