I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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