I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
