we have officially lost it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
