____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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