I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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