I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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