Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So many bounce houses so little time
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Who died my cat blue again?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
