marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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