Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
