a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
