New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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