I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
