I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Terrible idea I love it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
