He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
