It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
