exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
