Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
