Define "chronic" masturbator.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
