I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
