I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize