pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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