Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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