It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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