The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
