Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
