I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
