her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
