On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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