I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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