I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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