The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
