Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
