Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
