I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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