No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize