So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
