I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
