it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
