remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
