I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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