Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
