Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize