then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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