I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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