smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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