She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
