I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
