i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
