They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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