I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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