I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
