I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
