She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
