if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
