He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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