let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you win again, gameday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
