and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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