you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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