I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize