i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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