Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
