thus making me awesome and them whores
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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