Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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