just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
