Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dude. I can hear the air.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
