I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
