i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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