he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
