I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
