Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
