wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
