So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
