1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
