Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
