Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
