glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
