you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
