dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
