so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
