I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
