You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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