My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
