When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
