I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Help me help you realize you are a moron
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
