my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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