dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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