I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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