mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
