i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
