420 ftw
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
