Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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