Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
