Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
