The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize