How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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