she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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