guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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