You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize