dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
